Dear Mom

I have been dying to tell you that I love you beyond my own words. It’s complicated, but I know you love me beyond your own words as well. I wish I could be the one to put on a suit of armour, go into your darkness, and take away all that is hurting you, but in this life I am your daughter, and I can not be more than that. This is the mold I was put into, in order to grow.

What else can I say? Can I transcend these limitations? I am not anything that I think I am. It’s crazy how tiny we all are yet how big we all feel, but that makes sense Mom, because our bodies are small and our source is infinite.

I wish I didn’t feel like the clock was ticking with you, but I think about it a lot. When are you going to see that I am only trying to love you the way you used to love me. Perhaps that’s not the way a daughter should think about her mom, but nothing is really as it seems. I wish I was little, in your arms, your fingers gently making shapes on my back until I fell asleep. Oh I almost forgot what it felt like, to be a child and have my mom.

Thank you Mom, for being every part of who you are. I would like to accept you. I am trying to accept you. I wish I could play back those moments. Maybe one day we can water them together. Wouldn’t that be interesting Mom? We are not that different.

I want you to know how much I love you. I know I already told you, but I can see that you are in more pain then I can even fathom, so i’d like to remind you. Maybe we can just breathe together. Perhaps our breath can remind us that we are in fact alive together. Maybe then we can begin to heal the pain between us; finally.

And so, here I am at the end of this letter. I will envelop this envelope with all the love I can. I hope you know that I love you Mom.